Thursday, January 31, 2008

I don’t know when this happened but it’s now become incredibly hard for me to post anything on this blog. I’ve therefore taken to beginning posts in the above inane way with absolutely no idea of what I’m going to write about or whether what little I’ll write I’ll want to post. While I love watching and discussing movies and would gladly talk films with you till dawn breaks a couple of hours later, I also feel vaguely irritated at my seeming inability to write about anything else that bothers or excites me. At the same time, I also realize that it’s not fair to blame myself for the long slumber this blog has seen and can any day lapse back into.
Time was when I was less cautious about who and what I spoke about. I therefore treated my blog as exactly the sort of thing that it ought to be – a place to pen your thoughts in, not as private as a diary but certainly a place for frankness, at least with myself. I wrote because I felt like it and found it easy, effortless. That’s not to say that I wrote wonderfully but fact is I wrote effortlessly and the reward was in enjoying the process. I don’t remember imposing explicit restrictions on myself but somewhere down the line, I stopped writing about things I felt deeply, even if temporarily. This was for a number of reasons, primarily that I did not want to volunteer to communicate my weaknesses or peeves or generally reveal more than I had to to anyone who cared to read my posts. I was also unsure of how much could be read between the lines by a regular reader and a personal acquaintance or friend. I remember this surreal bus ride mid way through which this guy turns asks me, “Aren’t you an escapist?”! I didn’t know how to react and I remember giving some fuzzy answer which may have meant something sensible. But that is one instant I recollect that drove home to me the way one’s image gets moulded. I hadn’t realized it but already, people who didn’t know me well judged me on the basis of what they’d heard. I realized then, and I realize now in IIM even more strongly, the power of the ‘image’. You are who you seem to be. Unfortunately, I haven’t made use of this common knowledge, much like a huge number of others equally aware of the benefits that acting a certain way consistently could bring.
I have made some concessions to the need to look good though. One among them is not cribbing on my blog about little things that piss me off. I’m more circumspect now about who I consider trustworthy. It will therefore be an inconvenience (I argue) were I to go write a thinly disguised account of my life’s goings-on if the other actors started reading my blog. Imagine Sonia Gandhi’s minions yes-madaming all day only to go back and announce to the world that these Romans are crazy!
This increased circumspection then automatically means I have to cut out the juicy bits from my blog. I have however been thinking lately about whether this makes a lot of sense and I don’t think it does. The best use of my blog is for reading stuff I wrote years ago and recollecting the incidents that made me write those posts. Not writing about what excites me is robbing me from a history that would otherwise have been recorded and refreshed at regular intervals. I’ll try to make amends.

8 Comments:

Blogger Sagar Rastogi said...

I know exactly how you feel! My suggestion - write as bindaas as before... and only when you finish the post, take a call on whether you want to publish it on your blog or your personal diary. You still retain your memories this way.

1/2/08 2:17 PM

 
Blogger Phoenix said...

When I first read this post yesterday, I wanted to say a number of things, but realised you knew them all anyway...how one eventually writes for themselves etc. I don't really have too much to add now, but I still wanted to tell you that while there will always be people who judge you depending on what you say, do, wear, eat etc etc etc, and that includes writing, there would be some who don't because they know you, and would like to know or understand you better. For their sake and for your memories, and for your own sake more than anything else...write.
It is often cathartic, and it rather be effortless.

1/2/08 8:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

More than anything, thanks for a reminder of what blogging can be all about.

1/2/08 11:58 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an 'image' of you from your effortless writings more than your real self, and believe me, if I were you I would not mind having it . 'Images' carry with them the flexibility of an opinion, and very few people take the liberty of stretching them into judgements.

2/2/08 11:50 PM

 
Blogger Anirudh Singh said...

u write well dude. hope u find something worth writing soon enough!

9/2/08 7:22 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, it's really OK, you don't have to cut down or anything. A person knows MUCH more about you when you interact with him and as long as you be how you really are, your blog will be read in that light only. I have many posts on my blog which really negate how I am today but that's OK, people change and that's waht a blog reflects.

19/2/08 1:24 PM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Read "Tipping Point" if you can get hold of it .. short quick read (even though it took me 4 weeks) and the author has a way of looking at things which reminds me of the countless little discussions we used to have standing in the no mans land in front of SB-2.. (i have been feeling shockingly nostalgic about my years at IIT as you might be able to guess)

24/2/08 11:03 AM

 
Blogger Ms.V said...

Was blog hopping and came across your blog.

It is all fine - the political correctness. We talk about people knowing us better and finding the ones that don't judge - ones that care, yada yada yada. In the end, the pertinent question is whether you'd want the whole world to know who you are and take solace in the assumption that there are people disinclined to judging you based on this. But then, isn't it the whole point in having a public blog? "Letting the world know the real you" is just fancy talk for image building. On the other hand, even if you never write a single blog, all and sundry are judging you anyway. So you might as well show off your wonderful writing skills while they are at it.

Do keep writing - blogspot or otherwise. :)

..V :)

12/10/08 11:23 PM

 

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