Mango Man

In some deep, inexplicable way, politics depresses me. I don't know if politics in IIT, affectionately or derisively abbreviated to "poltu", can be called "politics" considering "politics" is a weighty word that has come to be associated with violence, caste, religion and corruption in the public consciousness. Politics in IIT (Delhi) has never been associated with violence or religion to the best of my knowledge, and only in a miniscule way with caste. People who've seen more of IIT and its politics will contradict me if I'm wrong. Corruption, unfortunately, is probably a reality where many tens of lakhs of rupees are involved in organising some of the biggest fests in this part of India. The amounts may pale in comparison with multi-crore scams that we seem to be used to hearing about in national media, but even a few thousands is a sizable bit of the total sponsorships received and in any case, it's the principle we are concerned about.
As is apparent from the subject of this post, politics has been occupying a substantial portion of my mindspace in recent days. In fact, the last nine hours or so have been the only large chunk of time in which I've had something far more important on my mind, namely a minor exam which caused me to stay awake the entire night yesterday studying. It's not like I have been doing a lot of running around for my hostel's success in today's or tomorrow's elections, or my Party's in the house elections. But physical effort is not the only thing that actually tires you of something. Politics, which I find depressing, has been foremost in my mind and has hence depressed me.
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Just got a call. Gotta go campaign.
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2 Days Later:

It's over. We, 'we' being the part of my hostel I am affiliated with, won almost everything we contested 'them' for. We then won nearly everything in the external elections as well. In spite of one of the two alliances taking most of the pickings, most (boys') hostels are so fractured that almost every faction, and certainly every hostel, has got a share of the winnings. Both alliances have a fest each to conduct, and now that the electoral madness is over, I join other people reasonable enough to not take politics personally in wishing both the best. May both fests be bigger and better than this year's were. May there be fewer controversies, greater transparency and prettier girls. Most importantly, now that I've come to a stage when I can actually win quizzes in inter-college fests, may the quizzing prize money be raised from the current pittance.
I know I said I hadn't worked too much in the electoral lead-up. I did, however, work a lot on the last three days or so. I did what I could and we got the desired results. I should probably be happy because my 'group' has won. I did feel happy the day before, and to a smaller extent yesterday, on various small and big wins. But the happiness is short-lived. It does not give me the kind of lasting happiness that personal accomplishment does. When I won last year, I felt genuinely happy. I felt happy not just because I won a close election, but also because I (think I) was the only winner from outside the winning alliance, i.e. my win was unexpected. It was a special feeling to feel that my election was actually being discussed by the king-makers as an example of what to prevent from happening in the future. I felt very important. This time, the happiness was for others. Some of my close friends were very happy with the results and I felt happy with them. Some of my friends won elections themselves, and I felt happy for them. But the happiness could not match the joy of winning myself. It's illogical to expect it to, anyway.

I was trying to understand my feelings towards politics, and those of my friends'. Why do people get involved in politics? It's not a dangerous involvement in IIT, but it is a time-consuming one. I can understand why people who have tangible gains to gather from politics (such as posts or vendetta) get involved. What I don't understand is how they can remain motivated enough to involve themselves with increasing intensity over a period of nearly two months. So I was standing and observing on the SAC floor yesterday, and I realized people get high on two things - power and knowledge. Power and knowledge are, of course, inter-related.
There is information in the world that makes its possessors important. Knowing that A is going out with B, but B really lusts after C, who in a weird twist of Fate, loves A before the world does makes you powerful for those few days. Similarly, knowing the 'counts' and the 'coefficients' and the 'carpets' before someone else knows them is power. The importance lies is the exclusivity of the information. Knowing that you know what very few people know and that people are burning to know what you are thinking is a high. Control of the flow of data is one of the most powerful occupations.
The second reason is that being busy gives a feeling of power. On the two days of elections, nobody in IIT is busier than the fifteen or so king-makers. You can make them out at a glance. When they aren't glued to their mobile phones, they are talking conspiratorially with other king-makers or authoritatively to their hostel minions. They have creases on their foreheads and worried expressions on their faces. Worry and tension are the defining expressions on their features. Most look like they haven't slept well for some time, and look intellectually, emotionally and physically drained. But in spite of all the worries and the uncertainties, they are the ones with the greatest sense of purpose in that place. They radiate power because they know things we don't. In fact, they know whether what we know is actually correct. People ask them what the situation is, and they choose what and how much to reveal. They lead workforces and give directions like Generals of yore, and people do their bidding.
I want to be that too. I'd like to feel important and I'd like knowing that people were hanging on to my every word and that I didn't even have time to feel good about that, and for that I'll have to 'deal' and 'trade'. That's probably fun and everything but I don't know if find it interesting enough to keep me motivated for an entire month or even a fortnight. The pizzas, of course, are some motivation and if you have interesting company for the hundreds of hours you clock in meetings, it'll probably be somewhat interesting. It might even be fun.
I was just talking to him yesterday and I told him how I wanted to be interested in politics but couldn't really be consistently enthusiastic. Ditto with economics and finance. These are the things that people who've planned out their careers from their childhoods find interesting. I thought I should start taking some interest in banks, stocks, global markets blah blah but never could like Economic Times too much. I just like talking and lazing around really, and I'm not a natural at anything so I think my future lies in some boring job that I'll live with in anticipation of my two hours of TV with the missuz on reaching home.

I tried to look busy yesterday but the sad fact is that I wasn't needed. I could've been the most important person in SAC yesterday but it had been my decision that I didn't want that. And yet, I was attracted to Big Things happening in the institute as the political D-Days approached and I wanted a part of the excitement too. Instead, I was reduced to an observer. I tried to look and feel busy yesterday, but really no one was calling me, and all I was was a vote. That's it, a single vote. I remembered the same day last year when I felt vaguely resentful that as a newly elected Secretary, I was being herded with other outgoing representatives into another hostel, asked to pass my time with whatever I could find on a computer, and then unceremoniously taken to SAC by the GSec candidate to cast my vote. I wanted to tell him I was a Secretary and had just done my best to fuck up his alliance the previous day, so could he please show me some respect, but then I realized it didn't matter a bit to him. I was just a vote from an allied hostel, the same as all the others.
And so it was yesterday too. I felt vaguely unhappy that no one was asking for me. I had been a Secreatry, goddammit, and a good one at that and I wanted mah respect! But the sad truth is I was just a vote and no more valuable than any outgoing representative.
I slipped quietly away to KL for a dinner after enquiring if we were having our hostel treat in the night and being answered in the negative. I had a peaceful and undisturbed dinner and then came back at leisure to hear the remaining results and see our alliance nail it and my colleagues become holders of key institute posts.
Life goes on, I suppose. Well, whatever, nevermind.